So I completely forgot I even made one of these things and once I remembered never really felt the need to post anything. But lately I’ve done some thinking and felt the need to share with whoever it is that may possibly read this. Out of boredom, I read many of my old posts on Twitter and @replies from people and it truly miss many feelings and memories from this past summer. A lot has changed since then and theres a few things I’d like to address.
Yesterday I recieved a very random text from someone who was a new friend over the summer apologizing for our “fallout” that was had towards the end of August. Without going into much detail, I shut this person out of my life very quickly because I did not like things that I heard she said and did. At the end of the day, it really shouldn’t of mattered to me as much as it did at the time. She apologized and I truly don’t even feel there was a need for one to be honest. I’ve never been the type of person to hold grudges against people and can be adult about a situation and move on. So to that person if you are a reader of this, lets start fresh because deep down I know you’re a good person who means well and I can’t deny the fun times we did share together over the summer.
The other issue at hand is the obvious: the issue that I have yet to write a single word about: the issue that has changed my life and 3 other peoples as well: the band Big City Lights that I have been apart of for the last 2 years decided to part ways with Justin about a month ago. The whole thing went down very wrong, it could’ve been handled way more mature and less dramatic but unfortunately that isn’t how it happened. We’re all guilty I guess as to what happened, I can’t point the blame at one person, it just the way that it worked out. BCL is a band that I poured my entire heart and sould into, playing those songs was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had in my life, and I truly think we had something special. Back to what I said before about my old tweets: Many of them were from our first tour that we did in August and I re-lived that whole summer in a matter of minutes from reading my virtual words and peoples replies. The fact that we did those 2 tours is incredible when you think about it. We were a band for 2 years who always had the drive for bigger things but never took initiative, but as soon as we did that ball started rolling and didnt look to stop anytime soon. We booked a tour all on our own and as Adam Friedberg says “our music is what got us here. Playing our songs got us paid by promoters, which made it able to get gas, which took us to the next city, all because of our music. Nothing else got us here except our music”. Yes it wasn’t the most glamourous tour being we’re an un-signed band, but what Adam said is incredible. Our music made it possible for us to get in a van and travel around the country doing what we love. I suddenly was overwhelmed with a happy feeling of remembering all those good times we had in the summer and to be honest almost brought a tear to my eye that its all tainted now. Justin is someone I’ve known since I was 13 years old, and I feel that the Justin I know now is not the same, as neither am I or anyone else. I do not wish any bad upon on him or whatever he chooses to do in life, I will not banter him in any way, I will simply just live my life as I’m sure he will be doing the same. Since this whole thing happened I’ve totally re-evaluated myself and realized there is no point in ever being negative, it will lead you nowhere and will make many people think very less of you. I would like to think I’ve become a much more mature and caring person in the last month who isnt so quick to shut people down or their opinions as fast as I used to. I am a very opinionated person and have never been ashamed of that, nor am i now, I have always been very honest and uipfront about everything. But I’ve realized maybe I don’t always have to be that way, maybe sometimes keep my opinon to myself because in all honesty, does what someone else do really affect my life? no. I am in a very good place right now and have continued to play music with Adam, Vinny and our new friend Anthony and never have I been so excited to show someting to people. This is the first time I’ve been in a band where a song that I wrote is being used and my vision of it is being fufilled. Those three young gentlemen are a huge inspiration to me and I am very fortunate to have them in my life to surround me with such positivity. Not to mention the music we’re creating is sooooo awsome, and I think people will truly enjoy it.
All in all, do I miss being friends with Justin? Yes Justin I do, we have done so much together over the last 10 years and maybe one day things wil be different. Am I happy where I am right now? Beyond happy, and very thankful for the friends and family that I have. Will BCL ever play again together? To be honest I truly hope so, maybe it wont happen now but someday I know that it will. The 4 of us had a connection that I hope every band has, there was no stopping us when we were together on that stage. And the best part is, no matter what happened that day, or in our individual lives at the time, for those 25 minutes we were on that stage, it was ours, and we owned it, and we absorbed every second of it like it was our last. And to end this I will quote a great line from one of my favorite movies, A Bronx Tale: “Theres nothing worse in life than wasted talent”, and yes it is a shame that BCL as the 4 of us is no more, because despite all the bad and all of the good, it was the notes and melodies that kept us together for all that time. One day……